Tuesday, December 13, 2011

She's a bad mamma jamma!

It's the Grits Mama's birthday! It's Tuesday! Happy birthday, Mama. I am the luckiest girl in the world to belong to you. I lovelovelove you!

Top 5 favorite fictional mothers!

1. M'Lynne Eatonton: did you know I was gonna say that?

2. Claire Huxtable: the eppy where she breaks her foot and bedazzles that cane, TDF.

3. Lorelei Gilmore: mostly so I could raid her closet.

4. Tami Taylor: Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Mrs. Coach is the best.

5. Roseanne Connor: she's tough; she's loving; she's hilarious.

She's a bad mamma jamma!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Tuesday: Sense and Wicked Good Sensibility

Grits and Gravy coming to you this week from Massachusetts. What to the what? Country mouse in the big city: lots of open mouth gaping and "pardon me, what did y'all say?" I am staying in the lovely home of Ma and Pa Chromalab (chromalab.blogspot.com). As a testament to her wit and book learnin' I have asked Alicia to write up a Tuesday's list reflecting one of our very favorite things.

Ashley and I are currently deeply immersed in our favorite non-activity, Jane Austen movie viewing, so this list came naturally: Top 5 Jane Austen Quotes! I chose a favorite quote from each book in order of publication, except Northanger Abbey (because if you have to sacrifice one...).

1. "Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition." - Sense & Sensibility

2. "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well." - Pride & Prejudice

3. "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." - Mansfield Park

4. "Ah! there is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." - Emma

5. "She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older--the natural sequel of an unnatural beginning." - Persuasion


In a letter, on the Peninsular War: "How horrible it is to have so many people killed! And what a blessing that one cares for none of them!"

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Tuesday: my apologies to MacGruff and Nancy Reagan

Down and dirty Tuesday! To what can you not "just say no"?

Top 5 vices, y'all!

1. Boots, beards and tattoos: the trifecta of sexy. Meeeeooooow!

2. Coffee: I'm like a crackhead; I don't need the pure stuff! I will drink gas station coffee. Some of the best coffee I've had recently was at a casino bar. True story!

3. Cardigans: I have so many. What can I say? It's my signature look.

4. Fried potatoes: French fries, hash browns, home fries, tater tots. Love 'Em all'

5. Iron & Wine: I love you, Sam Beam! His music makes me want to kiss a lumberjack in cold weather.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It's Tuuuuuuuuesday!

It's the most wonderful time of the year: Thanksgiving!

Top 5 favorite Thanksgiving dishes

1. Dressing: cornbread dressing, of course. Not stuffing, holy salmonella, Batman!

2. Sweet potatoes: tastes like dessert!

3. Deviled eggs! I will steal them right off the platter when no one's looking.

4. Pecan pie, and don't ruin it with cool whip or some such nonsense.

5. Seconds on dressing, please.

Happy TG, y'all! Who's wearing elastic waistband pants?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tiny pinpoints of light

So things have been a whirlwind at Grits & Gravy HQ in the last couple of weeks. Phew, y'all!

First, my favorite day of the whole year was November 5. Dirty, flirty thirty! I'm thirty, and I can kick, stretch and Kick! No perceptible differences than 29, but as far as I can tell time is a crafty bitch. Like one day I looked in the mirror and I looked like an adult. I noticed my face fully meshed at about age 23, which is kinda late to exit the goofy not-fully cooked, doughy in the middle phase, but awkward beggars can't be choosers.

Then I caught a cold, right after my birthday: suckity suck. I just laid about for days with achey bones and labored breathing. My best guess is that I had five pounds of snot in my head. Gross. I am a lousy sick person; I just want to lay on bed and watch crappy teevee. No stoicism, just whining.

The real kicker of the last two weeks is (suspicions confirmed) I'm going blind. On Monday I went to see a retinal specialist after a recommendation from my opthamologist. I have retintitis pigmentosa(RP), the same condition that left my father legally blind. So, my rods and cones are dying: boo. RP is incurable, and there is no treatment, yet. Dr. Patel said there is encouraging research toward a treatment. Maybe five years.

I'm so lucky! I've told my closest friends, and they are the best. I've had volunteers to tweeze my eyebrows, match my clothes for me, apply makeup and drive me around. Honestly, not having to drive because I can't sounds pretty good to me; I hate driving. My Alicia in Boston is reading books on eye disease and vision loss; she's educating me about my eyes. Her hubs, T-Rex was researching treatments being pursued in Cuba and Japan. I've had more than one offer for retreat at a girlfriend's home. How did I get so lucky?

For now, I'm gonna try and not be a mope. Truthfully, my outlook after the diagnosis is much better than before with unsubstantiated suspicions. I don't want to waste what sighted time I have left feeling sorry for myself. So......

Let's make a list of all the things I need to SEE:

1. Grand Canyon: I've heard it's "fucking majestic," (sayeth Christina).

2. Paris

3. Real mountains, up close

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

List it! List it real good!

This edition of Tuesday's list was inspired by my friend and attorney Rachel. Thanks, Rach!

Top 5 things I'm gobbling (metaphorically and actually) up right now

1. Parks and Recreation: they are killing it this year. Treat yoself!

2. Mindy Kaling's new book, "Is everyone hanging out without me?" Like Bossypants for a single gal.

3. Dove damage therapy conditioner: my hair has never been so soft!

4. Doug Burr's album O, Ye Devestator. Sad and lovely.

5. Reese's peanut butter trees, forever and ever. Amen.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Listy listy listy

This Tuesday's list is brought to you by Alicia from Chromalab (chromalab.blogspot.com). Alicia and I are soul mates; she read it in a book at her inlaws' house, so it must be true.

What are the top 5 movies you know by heart?

1. Steel Magnolias, "There is no such thing as natural beauty."

2. Clue, "Flames. Flames on the side of my face."

3. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, "What's so fab about it?"

4. Reality Bites, "We are going to eat gas?"

5. To Kill a Mockingbird, "Entailments are bad."

Whatchoo got?

Monday, November 7, 2011

Movie Review Haiku

Like Crazy

Hipsters fall in love
Immigration woes befall
Tears and Paul Simon

Rating: 4 biscuits out of 5

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I might be a drag queen

In a biological lady body, but a drag queen nonetheless. It's Arts & Crafts day at Grits and Gravy.

Supply list: feathers, beads, rhinestones, ribbon and hot glue.

Have y'all been watching Mad Fashion on Bravo with Chris March? It completes me; it is bloody brilliant. At Mr. March's mad hatter studio, they use loads of hot glue: loads and loads to spangle and bedazzle.

I love spangle. I love bedazzle. I use only a little bit of hot glue. I was raised by The Craftiest Woman in the Known World. The Craftiest Woman in the Known World does not use hot glue when you could neatly HAND stitch. TCWKW reared me to go full tilt boogie on my crafts (thanks, Mama!). So if you need me I will be sewing on rhinestones and watching Beverly Hills Cop for the forseeable future.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

It's Listacular Tuesday!

Here at Grits and Gravy I've decided to institute Tuesday's list. I will make a list of five things under a category of my own choosing. I will encourage you, friends, to share your own list or berate (or compliment!) me about mine.

Here goes nuthin:

Top 5 (in no particular order) perfect songs in popular music

1. "The Weight" by the Band
2. "Wouldn't it be Nice" by the Beach Boys
3. "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones
4. "Son of a Preacher Man" by Dusty Springfield
5. "Don't Stop 'til You get Enough" by MJ

Honorable Mention: "Tears of a Clown"; "Fat Bottomed Girls"; "Me and Bobby McGee"; "I Wanna Hold your Hand."

Monday, October 31, 2011

There's no crying in baseball?

This time last year my friend Jeanne complimented me on my grace in handling the end of the World Series. Isn't that a sweet thing to say? The same thing cannot be said of me this year: I have been a wreck.

I spent games four through six sucking down free bourbon and diet cokes in a casino bar with friends. Even after the cursing, hand wrenching, and Bobby Knight-esque chair slamming of Game six, I was mostly confident that game seven was gonna go my way. I'd decided early that it would take seven games; my confidence was not shaken, not even stirred.

Not to say I wasn't nervous, I very much was. Very, very nervous. Then it all fell apart.... Friends were posting on social media that they were turning the game off. I couldn't do it. I was M'Lynn noble at Shelby's bedside. " I was there when that beautiful creature drifted into my life.. and I was there when she drifted out of it."

And it was a beautiful season, however it may have ended. My favorite thing about the Texas Rangers is that they play with joy: the smiles on the faces of Elvis and IK when they turn one of those miracle plays; Naps throwing out a baserunner; Nelly grinning around the bases; Josh hittin' the wall and holdin' on for an out; Feliz saving the day; the stank 'stache; Michael Young fielding; Adrian daring them to hit one down the third base line; ginger ale celebrations and on and on. I love this team. Win or lose, I am a proud Texas Rangers fan.

So, I cried my tears; I wallowed in my sadness and grief. Now, my heart is full for we are American League Champions.

When do pitchers and catchers report, anyway?